Love over addiction One mother's battle with prescription drugs

MOSES LAKE — The love of a mother for her children is something that defies explanation or logic. There are no words that can be summoned to describe a mother’s devotion and connection with her flesh and blood. Mona Gonzales' story is one of addiction, loss and a deep devotion and love for her children that in the end proved to be stronger than her addiction.

Gonzales' drug use initially started after having a fairly routine procedure at the age of 17 to have her wisdom teeth removed, after which her addiction to pain pills was launched. A person Gonzales knew had prescriptions for methadone and Percocet for pain and would give Gonzales the Percocet to sell for about $30 a pop. Gonzales' connection would in turn give her the methadone for free.

After graduating from Smokiam Alternative High School in Soap Lake, Gonzales attended Big Bend Community College for about a year and a half, taking her prerequisites to get into the dental hygiene field. But as her addiction got deeper, she ultimately dropped out. Her pill connection's prescription for the pills got cut down and Gonzales was forced to look elsewhere.

"So we started having to resort to buying them (the pills) from other people. And before I knew it things got too complicated with that,” Gonzales recalls. “(A person she knew) had started using heroin years before and he is the one that actually introduced me to it and he was the first person that I used it with.”

Gonzales' heroin use progressed over the better part of a year, but coupled with an unhealthy relationship and lifestyle, she made the decision to get clean at age 19. After the unhealthy relationship ended Gonzales had a new lease on life and things were good for a little while and she was able to stay clean for about five months.

She started drinking and eventually met the man who would go onto become the father of her two children. With the seeds of addiction already sown in her past, a perfect storm of circumstances watered those seeds and Gonzales' addiction to pain pills came back in full force.

“One night I had went out drinking and was really hungover the next day and I ended up going to (an acquaintance’s) home. She knew that I had gotten clean and hesitated to give me some pills, but she ended up giving them to me anyways,” she said. “So that’s how my journey with the methadone and Oxycodone began and all over again there I was, taking pills.”

About a year after spending time with the father of her children, Gonzales found out she was pregnant with her son, Mathew. She didn’t find out that she was pregnant with her son until she was already four months along and had been using methadone up until finding out she was pregnant.

She was able to wean herself off of the methadone in about a month and delivered Mathew at 31 weeks on March 13, 2014. Being slightly under 4 pounds when he was born, Mathew was flown to Spokane for further treatment. That experience shook Gonzales to her core, as she didn’t know if the methadone would show up in her son’s system and Child Protective Services (CPS) would have to get involved. Gonzales was open and honest about her methadone use and CPS ultimately decided to not pursue a case.

All the while, about a month after bringing Mathew home in July 2014, she started using methadone again.

In her drug-centered lifestyle Gonzales didn’t find out she was pregnant with her daughter, Matilyn, until about three weeks before she gave birth. Matilyn was born Jan. 17, 2015 via emergency C-Section. Matilyn came in just under 4 pounds and was flown to Spokane for treatment, just like her brother.

After giving birth to Matilyn CPS entered Gonzales' life, as she continued using heroin after Matilyn came into the world.

“My parents had no idea I had become CPS involved. CPS was even calling my parents’ house and leaving messages and I was getting to them and deleting them. They (CPS) were calling me from the hospital letting me know that Matilyn was going through such bad withdrawal that they were starting a morphine drip on her,” she explained.

After CPS became involved, Gonzales would later go through detox and enter rehab in Yakima in March 2015. She ended up doing six months of treatment in Yakima and got Mathew back 30-days into the program. Matilyn was released from the hospital directly into foster care and because of health problems landed back in the hospital for surgery. After the surgery Matilyn was put back into foster care in the Yakima area, so Gonzales could be in contact with her.

Matilyn was ultimately placed back into the care of her mother and Gonzales later moved back to the Moses Lake area, where she started out-patient therapy. She still struggled with addition and ultimately picked up again after having nine months of sobriety under her belt.

“I think I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t know if I really wanted to be a mom. Everything was setting in with the fact that I was going to raise two kids on my own, close in age. I was freaking out. I knew it was only going to be a matter of time and I was going to pick up again,” she said with tears in her eyes.

Gonzales got back into contact with the father of her children. Her kids were placed into the care of her parents and from there she went into a downward spiral. Panhandling for money to buy drugs. Withdrawals. Longing to be with her kids. At some point Gonzales got sick and tired of being sick and tired and broke down and did something that even the most strong person has a difficult time doing. She asked for help.

Help came in the form of a recovery center in Everett, Wash. Fighting thoughts of self-doubt and whether or not her kids would be better off living without her, she went all in and entered rehab at the end of March. Working on herself and getting to the root of her feelings and who she really is, Gonzales spent five months in the program and came back to Moses Lake in August.

She missed a lot. Like Matilyn learning to crawl and her first steps. And Mathew learning new words almost on a daily basis. But to come out of rehab and recently celebrate six months of sobriety, she says it was worth it in order to become the mother her children desperately need in their lives.

“It broke me almost every single day to know that I missed those things. And to mentally deal with that I just kept it in my head that this was all for a purpose and it was going to be worth it in the end. And I don’t ever have to spend another day away from them after this,” she says.