Ask the Addict: How can I help my meth-addict son?

Think of it this way: When a person has cancer, the doctors try to kill the cancer without killing the patient. This is the philosophy with your addict.

The best way to help any drug addict is to help him come to the end of his “addict life” as quickly as possible without having him die or spend life in prison. The good news is that you can really help this process.

Step 1 is to read about addiction and become aware of addiction recovery and co-dependence. Go to any counselor and ask for help and guidance. AA is a great resource on addiction; speak to the leaders. Bottom line is to find a healthy recovered addict, counselor or wise friend who can advise, support and encourage you. You can’t go it alone.

Step 2 is to do what they tell you to do.

Step 3 is to learn to say no and mean it, and to set boundaries and enforce them.

Addicts are experts on inducing people to enable their habits to continue. Change the locks on the house and don’t give him a key.

Establish house rules, curfews and expectations in writing and enforce them.

Have clearly defined consequences in writing that you are prepared to enforce. These will help protect you and your family and help your son begin to experience the real world.

Most addicts will get fed up with all this, leave home and start the “street life” or begin living with friends and acquaintances.

This phase typically ends soon as he becomes unwelcome everywhere. He will come home and ask you to help him continue in his addiction no matter what he says.

Do not give him money, pay his rent, buy him food, let him use the car, have his room back, live in the garage or anything else without clear written expectations as to what is required to earn these blessings.

With luck this will make his life miserable enough to move him to desperation and decide to get help. If not, you need more help than I can share here.

Mathew Stone is a former drug and alcohol addict writing this column under a pen name. How to ‘Ask the Addict’: Please email your addiction-related questions to asktheaddict@yahoo.com.