Ask the Addict Why do people seem addicted without first having pain?

Pain is a very personal feeling. Robin Williams was a millionaire-comedian who seemed perpetually happy, yet, he committed suicide as a result of his unique, personal, private pain. What we see on the outside might very well be nothing like the person feels on the inside.

I usually seemed like the life of the party and made everyone laugh but inside my life was a living hell. Pain is always real to the person having it and always drives them into action to minimize or eliminate it. This human response to pain is a life-saving pattern for survival that is often misused in an addict.

The old saying that “You can’t judge a book by its cover” is very true with people and pain. People in great pain often behave as clowns, temperamental, difficult, disruptive, disrespectful, abusive, rule-breakers, hard-workers, non-conformists, loners, center-of-attention, people-pleasers, gossips, et cetera. Also, a person can be in great pain without having any sense of pain at all.

Pain experienced over long periods of time, or as a child, can simply disappear and only manifest as a bad habit or a false belief. I experienced extreme discomfort when moved to many new schools during my elementary years. I developed a fear of new places and people that lasted for 50 years. The thought of traveling to a new country where they spoke a foreign language caused me to have extreme anxiety, discomfort and fear: A thought produced great fear and anxiety based on a connection in my brain. To me, new things equaled pain. This was a false belief that I lived with for decades.

Also, a lot of people are raised by addicted parents. They will follow this addictive pattern of behavior on an unconscious level because it is comfortable and seems right or normal to them, until they are forced not to by a variety of circumstances (usually bad ones). Usually an outside non-family person and opinion is necessary to help the addict see the truth about their false beliefs.

Mathew Stone is a former drug and alcohol addict writing this column under a pen name. How to ‘Ask the Addict’: Please email your addiction-related questions to asktheaddict@yahoo.com.