Quest for comb becomes complicated

So there I was, minding my own business, when …

Jim Turner walked by and stopped.

“How ya doin’, Dennis,” he said.

We have known each other since the third grade and graduated together as members of The Great Class of 1965. Pleasantries were exchanged and we shared a handshake.

“What ya doin’?” he asked.

“Well I’m tryin to pick out a comb,” I said. “I didn’t realize there were so many kinds and styles?

“What happened, did you wear out the last one?” he asked and couldn’t hold back a snicker.

Jim sports a full head of hair, as he has all his life.

“Why don’t you just shave your head, as Jerry Lester and the commander of Fairchild Air Force Base did a few years ago?” Jim asked.

“Well there are reasons, ya know For one thing, if I shaved my head, it would be one less customer for my barber, Janae Stockwell,” I said. “I feel it my responsibility to help her stay in business. Besides she trims my beard when I get a haircut. Plus I do acknowledge shaving your head can be beneficial, as a person saves money on haircuts and shampoo. Plus having a shaved head can be good luck for some people, such as Col. Paul Guemmer, who is now a Brigadier General.”

Jim wasn’t even trying to hold back his snickers now, “Save on shampoo, good one, Dennis.”

Just then Bob Young, another classmate with a full head of hair, joined us.

“Hi guys, what ya doin’?” he asked.

“Dennis is trying to pick out a comb,” Jim said.

“Why don’t you shave your head?”

“Because he is in love with his barber,” Jim said.

“I’m not in love with my barber.”

“Dennis, I didn’t know you were…” Bob said.

“I’m not, my barber is a woman, Janae Stockwell,” I said. “Her shop is just across the street from Frontier. It was Lorin’s Barber Shop, before Lorin retired, and now it’s Janae’s Barber Shop.”

“Well, I’m still mad at your wife,” Bob said. “She snapped the photo at our luncheon and she made my hair turn white.”

“You will have to talk to Garnet about your disappointment,” I said. “Boy, I didn’t realize there were so many kinds of combs”

“Gee, Dennis, I don’t know anyone who has worn out a comb,” Bob said. “Did the teeth fall out or did they just get smaller?”

Jim and Bob were overcome by an attack of uncontrollable laughter. I noticed people from other aisles began to look around the corner to see what was happening.

“Just picking out a comb,” I said to the lady with three kids and the man holding a hammer, which caused another round of laughter from my two friends.

Turning my attention back to Jim and Bob, I said, “I didn’t wear out my last comb, I lost it.”

Just then Alan Kikuchi stopped at my side, yep, another classmate with a full head of hair.

“OK, two are laughing and one is not,” he said. “What’s going on?”

“Well, …ha ha…Dennis is in love…ha ha… with his barber,” Jim said and the two went off again, with more people peeking into the aisle.

“Dennis, I didn’t know…”

“Her name is Janae and although she is a beautiful and nice lady, I’m not in love with her.”

“What are you all doing here?” Alan asked.

Jim and Bob continued their laughter, but to a larger degree.

“I’m trying to buy a new comb,” I said.

“What happened, did you wear…” the rest of Alan’s sentence was covered by the contagious laughter of the other two and he joined them.

“Perhaps you should buy some hair rollers,” one of the three said, but I’m not sure which one.

“And perhaps you need a hairdryer, too,” another one said and the laughter didn’t stop.

“OK you guys, I already own a hairdryer,” I said and the three laughed with more gusto. “But let me explain, as there is a good reason for an outdoors person with little hair to own a hairdryer. Have you ever seen a leather handled knife with the leather all shriveled, shrunken and dried-up?”

They all nodded, as they were unable to speak.

“Well, slather an ample amount of boot grease on the leather and heat it with the hairdryer,” I explained. “The leather will soak up the grease and be as good a new in a few minutes. Some people use the same method on their boots.”

Willis Clark, yes he is a classmate and has a full head of hair, joined the group and the questions and dialogue began again; what ya doin’…, in love…, I didn’t know…, Janae…, hairdryer…, etc.

“Why don’t you let your beard grow and then your use of a comb would be better justified?” Willis asked.

“Because Janae trims my beard, in fact, the reason I know a haircut is needed is the length of my beard, otherwise it is difficult to tell if one is needed or not.”

“Yep, he’s in love with his barber,” Jim said.

“I am not…,” I said, but my words were not heard because of the laughter.

I picked up a package of 12 combs for under $4 and headed for the nearest cashier. It will be a long time before I go shopping for another comb.