Smart TV too smart for us

We got a Smart TV Saturday, and I'm not sure if it's smarter than Pat and me or just plain smart-alecky. The only thing it hadn't done by Sunday afternoon was say: Na-na-na-na-na-na.

We wouldn't have gone through this except that our 2004 Dell 42-inch plasma some times worked for three hours before losing its picture, some times an hour and a half. We often lost the picture at a critical point and rushed to the bedroom to see the ending.

“Well, did she say yes to the dress?” Pat yelled at the bedroom TV one time.

What really ticked me off one day was that the Mariners were winning on the 42-inch Dell and then lost on the 24-inch Emerson.

I finally gave in to Pat's cries for a new TV Friday night. She called our son Grover. There was a 40-inch Samsung Smart with Internet, Skype and 3-D at Costco, he said.

But it was available by order only, and Pat wanted her new TV now. Grover drove me to Wal-Mart in Sunnyside, where they were demonstrating a Vizio 40-inch Smart with all the same features for about $75 less.

I got excited. One stop, one TV and home. The sales lady was excited too until she had tell us the store had run out.

We drove to Costco, where a Vizio Smart waited. When we got there, we learned it didn't have 3-D. So I called Pat.

“I don't care if it doesn't have 3-D,” she said. “I don't want to be watching TV through those stupid glasses.”

The TV was unboxed, and Grover and I realized there were no bolts to attach the bracket mounts. A really smart TV.

I called Pat just before she was to return from Yakima. She stopped at ACE and got the needed bolts.

Grover had gone by the time Pat arrived. We were on our own.

The first thing we found was that our Smart TV had half a brain, compared to the saddened, retiring Dell.

“Look at all the extra wires,” Pat said. “What are we going to do with them all?”

I have no idea, I answered. How do we know which ones we're going to use?

“No problem,” Pat said. “You just sit on the couch. I can do this.”

Gladly I sat down. I love-hate all things electronic.

A few minutes later, the Smart TV was working. There were wires hanging loose all over the place, but it was working. And the Mariners won, 7-5.

Sunday, after about three wedding shows and three cooking shows, I tricked Pat into turning them off by batting my eyelashes at her and saying how wonderful it would be watch a movie with her.

Pat switched to the X-box, and nothing happened. Must have been all the extra wires. Not one to give up, Pat joined the battle. She tried every wire in every connector, and nothing. Then she tried again and again.

After about the 15th time of me pleading with her, Pat finally sat down to watch another food show.

“I'm frustrated,” she said.

Yes, our Smart TV was too smart even for Pat.

Sunday, Grover showed up about 3 p.m., got everything going properly, and there are no hanging wires. And the Mariners won, 6-3, with a 10th-inning rally.

Thank God, our Smart son was a match for our Smart TV.