Couple shares tips for marriage

MOSES LAKE - Warren and Ethylmarie Greeley first met 70 years

ago under the Capitol Dome in Olympia.

Their paths crossed through their work.

Ethylmarie was a telephone operator for the state House of

Representatives.

MOSES LAKE - Warren and Ethylmarie Greeley first met 70 years ago under the Capitol Dome in Olympia.

Their paths crossed through their work.

Ethylmarie was a telephone operator for the state House of Representatives.

Warren worked in the legislative bill room.

The two hit it off, started dating and married on Feb. 20, 1942.

Shortly after, Warren was sent to Australia with the Army Air Corps to help fight World War II. He also served in the South Pacific, and New Guinea, working in the intelligence department.

"Warren shipped out from San Francisco and I became a mother," she recalled.

Warren didn't hear about the birth of their son until five months after the baby was born.

The young couple reunited two and half years later.

They've been together ever since and eventually moved to Moses Lake in 1945.

On Sunday, the couple celebrates 69 years of marriage.

Ethylmarie credits their long marriage to taking it one day at a time.

"We didn't set out to make any records," she says. "It just seemed like it was supposed to be. For us to be together in all circumstances."

Attending church regularly at the First Presbyterian Church of Moses Lake also played an important role in their relationship.

"I think church helped to keep our marriage going," Warren said.

She doesn't understand how people get through life's vicissitudes without church.

"She was involved in church," Warren said, now 97. "I loved her."

They also shared the hobbies of golf and ballroom dancing.

But both recognize how times have changed.

Some marriages don't last today, as self is more important than a unit, she said.

"Even though I only had one son, family was number one with me," Ethylmarie commented. "I'm glad I lived in the time I did, when women were respected for what they were and who they were, as well as being part of the family unit."

Warren said women are too independent and do not need a man anymore.

"They even have babies and don't get married," he said.

The couple moved to Moses Lake in 1945 and watched the community grow.

She called living here "a great adventure post-World War II, seeing how it's developed and changed."

Warren recalls how the only paved road was the highway coming through town.

At the time, he worked for the state Department of Agriculture as a potato inspector.

During his retirement years, he was employed with the USDA National Agricultural  Statistics Service.

In Moses Lake, Ethylmarie worked at American Bell Telephone Company, Columbia Basin Herald and Chief Moses Middle School.  

The Greeleys have a son, four grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

Their friend, Moses Lake Taco Time owner Len Seltz, said the couple is "like a salt and pepper shaker" because they go together.

He also commented about their commitment to one another and their values.

"They came up from the old school when it all meant something and you didn't violate it,"  Seltz said.

The couple takes care of one another.

"He acts like he doesn't need any help and she keeps him on track." Seltz said.

The most special time he's had with the Greeleys is when they talk about the Lord and their belief in God.

"They get very sensitive together," he said.

When Warren would visit Seltz at Taco Time, he would drop Ethylmarie off for her appointments.

She would call the restaurant looking for her husband, as he was late picking her up.

Warren would tell Seltz to let Ethylmarie know he had already left.

But she knew better.

"She knows everything about him," Seltz said. "I think he thinks he fools her."

The couples research work of the Gottman Relationship Institute in Seattle has been featured on "Oprah," "20/20," "Dateline" and "Good Morning America."

Dr. Dave Penner, the institute's assistant clinical director, says satisfied couples are nicer to each other in general every day and nicer to each other when they are in conflict.

Couples that end up staying together have more instances of positive interactions than negative.

When satisfied couples are in conflict, the ratio of positive to negative interactions is five positives for every negative.

But for distressed couples, that ratio is .8 to 1

When satisfied couples are just hanging out, the ratio is 20 to 1.

"You need to do five positives in conflict and 20 positives just generally speaking," Penner said.

Another notion in determining a marriage's success is called "turning towards, or turning away or turning against," he said. 

"Couples make bids for connection with each other all the time," Penner said. "An example is when one person says, 'did you hear something on the news,' that's turning towards, if the partner doesn't acknowledge that bid, that would be turning away."

Couples that turn towards each other when the bid for connection was made do a lot better with their relationships.

Happy couples turn towards each other 86 percent of the time, while distressed couples do so only 33 percent.

"The good news is that little things can often make a good difference positively," Penner said.

Having common shared values, shared meaning and moving through life in a way that honors each others dreams is also important, he added.