Golf at its finest at Saturday's grand opening

ROYAL CITY - The Royal City Community Center Grand Opening Golf Tournament last Saturday was played in the worst golfing conditions I've ever experienced. 

They reminded me of  the 1950s when, as a kid, I planted asparagus or mint roots on windy March weekends. I arrived at home muscle-sore and bone-weary.

Saturday was a case of gale-force winds with stronger gusts, or so it seemed. Often we had to wait for the wind to die to 50 miles per hour so we wouldn't topple over during a swing. Sometimes the putts rolled without being struck.

Missing Saturday, fortunately, was the dust that flew in those open fields half a century ago. It has been tied down by irrigation and permanent crops. There was some dust on the bench farm on the Saddle Mountains, but it served only as a pretty picture.

"They farm way up there?" my son Teddy from Spokane asked as we teed up on No. 12. "Why?"

There must be an answer to that question, but my brain was rattling by that time, and I couldn't come up with one.

I played a tournament in the rain in Marysville once. There was no wind. So we all said, "What the heck," and teed up.

I was young and stupid. I'm no longer young. 

Once again Saturday, I said "what the heck," and joined the other 60 or so golfing nuts. I was muscle-sore and bone-weary when I got home and plopped into my La-Z-Boy.

I turned on the Mariners about the third inning, while they were trailing 1-0, and fell asleep. I woke up about the seventh inning, and they were ahead 2-1. Cool. They won 5-2.

I tried to watch a movie but couldn't stay awake. I should have taken a hot shower, but I was too tired. I went straight to bed. And Sunday morning I woke up still muscle-sore and bone-weary.

But I'm not complaining. I had more fun at this tournament than I've had at golf for a long time. An element of surprise was provided by the wind.

Part of the fun was having my son and my brother Bob, also from Spokane, in my group. We've played as a scramble team only once before. 

The other member of the group was Randy Nussbaum, who taught at Royal High School for seven years and at Moses Lake for five. He now delivers the Royal Register, which sponsored us.

Randy fit right in. Even though we were a team, trash talk flowed freely. Randy even trash-talked himself a couple of times.

Mostly we had fun guessing with the wind. Did we need two more clubs or two less clubs? Was it going to go right - or left - 20 yards or 50 yards?

We tried to be serious golfers, but some of the shots were so funny we had to laugh. One time Randy and I aimed at No. 4 green so the balls would land in No. 8 fairway. They finished in front of No. 7 tee.

On hole No. 16, all four chips were blown off the green, and so were three of the par putts. 

Bob and Teddy can bomb the ball 300 yards in normal conditions. These were not normal. On No. 9 Bob eased up with a 3-iron to stay in the fairway in front of the ditch, which is at 300 yards. Teddy eased up with a 3-wood.

We found Bob's ball in the water. We found Teddy's about 30 yards past the green. Heck, even Randy and I played like Tarzan on the hole. We took advantage of the wind to knock our drivers about 250 yards.

Hole No. 3 was a different matter. The wind was directly in our faces. I announced I was going to hit a low drive to stay under the wind, and I bounced the ball about 50 yards. 

I deserved the trash talk that ensued.