It's not too late for a Valentine

Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and if you forgot, don’t fret because it’s not too late to do something about it.

It seems Valentine’s Day has always been about what men can do for women in terms of pink, red and white fluffy things they can buy us.

Here is the bright side: since it’s the day after Valentine’s Day, all the candy, pink stuffed giraffes and giant balloons are half off. Buy her two of everything and tell her you love her twice as much as you did yesterday.

But don’t think you have to buy her a pink, red and white fluffy something to make her happy. The truth is, we already got a ton of teddy bears and cuddly stuffed animal things when we were in high school. You don’t see any of those things lying around now do you? This is because we threw them all away after the “big breakup.” The bed spread is cleared of fluffy debris from the last boyfriend. We didn’t want them anyway. Don’t buy one of those fluffy pink, red and white things because we will feel obligated to display it somewhere in the house until the fluffy four-legged barking thing accidentally eats it after we accidentally throw it in the yard.

Candy is delicious and counterproductive. Too much makes us fat. We don’t like being fat and you don’t like us when we are fat. In fact, it makes us fat in one day because we eat it that fast. Afterward you catch us lying in a diabetic coma somewhere in the house drooling brown sugary deliciousness with our eyes rolled in the back of our head. I was found in this very state last week after I drowned myself in chocolate. It was very embarrassing and difficult to get the drool out of my hair.

You want to know what always works? Dinner. We don’t want homemade dinner at the house unless you are a first-class chef. Take us out. We are at the house every day. Get us out of there. I get tired of the fluffy four-legged barking thing drooling next to my food. You don’t want us getting into mortal combat with the dog, do you? That never ends well. Dinner doesn’t have to be fancy, just fun and somewhere you both like.

This year my boyfriend and I went to Taco Del Mar. It was delicious and fun.

So, if you forgot about Valentine’s Day or the two of you didn’t quite connect that day, it’s OK. Just do something, anything. The truth is she will forgive you because in the end it’s the thought that counts — unless you neglected Valentine’s Day to take someone else on a date. If you did this, save the pink, red and white fluffy thing for the new girlfriend. Our bedspreads are clean.

Candice Boutilier is the Columbia Basin Herald assistant editor. Her coworkers smile at her when she dispenses advice for people she considers “love challenged.”