Confusion about whom and when to tip

I’ve never really understood tipping.

Just in case there’s a waiter reading this, yes I do tip. So please don’t spit in my food because I might not be able to tell.

Tipping is one of the most arbitrary customs in a life filled with arbitrary customs. The list of people we tip is strange.

I’m supposed to tip my waiter, but I don’t tip my cashier. I’m supposed to tip my barber, but I don’t tip the sales clerk. I’m required to tip the bellhop, but not the front desk person at the hotel.

I can just hear the justifications starting: “Well, waiters don’t get paid minimum wage.”

While some states do allow employers to use tips as part of minimum wage, Washington state requires every employee to be paid minimum wage, including waiters.

The next one usually is, “Well, a waiter gives you more service than a clerk/salesman/any job where people don’t tip.”

The problem is if someone gets great service, I mean bend-over-backwards-call-all-the-area-stores service, they aren’t going to tip the person. But, if a waiter gives me satisfactory service, I’m supposed to tip. Really? This makes my brain hurt.

What about the person at the “all you can eat” buffet who brings your drinks, occasionally, if at all. I’ve sent out hunting expeditions after the elusive refill. I swear some line cook is going to find the skeleton of a Sherpa laying in front of his grill one day.

But I’m supposed to tip that person?

OK. I don’t have Sherpas at my disposal. I wish I did though. See, that’s the level of personal service I could see requiring a tip.

“Here Sherpa. Carry those files.”

“There Sherpa. Make these copies.”

So here is a question, do I tip Sherpas?

The other part I don’t understand is how much am I supposed to tip? Here’s an example: I’m in a unnamed restaurant in Seattle. Being a single guy, the hostess decides I don’t deserve a table and exiles me to the bar.

Now, I don’t mind bars. I even like them sometimes. But if I’m going out to eat in a restaurant, I want to eat in the restaurant. I don’t want to be sentenced to the bar because I’m single and eating alone.

To top this off, the waitress forgets about me. Now it’s not entirely her fault. I mean it’s the hostess who decided to send me into exile away from all of the other regular customers. The waitress was really nice about it, so I’m left with a conundrum.

How much do I tip her?

Now I don’t usually tip less than 10 percent. Generally, I aim for about 15 to 20 percent. So I’m stuck between giving her a 10 percent or slightly above 10 percent tip.

I decide to give her more money and never, ever eat at the restaurant again.

Cameron Probert is the Columbia Basin Herald county reporter. Despite his issues with gratuities, his coworkers have a tip for Mr. Probert. Sometimes an honest compliment about a person’s hard work can be better than a couple of dollars, especially when they do not customarily receive tips.