Matthew Weaver's shortest My Turn, ever

Hi.

Matthew Weaver is the business and agriculture reporter for the Columbia Basin Herald. He is also the newspaper's senior staff writer and a weekly columnist.

In addition to all these duties, he is an avid reader, writer, aspiring novelist, watcher of movies at home in his underwear and occasional gourmet chef, although his best recipes consist of such directions as "Stick things in Crock Pot and leave alone for 15 hours."

To better understand the bizarre and occasionally unusual thought processes of Matthew Weaver, he recommends repeated viewings of the animated television "Invader Zim," or the novels of Michael Malone, particularly "Foolscap."

Further understanding of Matthew Weaver's thought processes is not necessarily recommended by this newspaper.

He also likes music, especially if it played during a crucial scene of a movie or television show, and has many soundtracks in his CD collection, including the soundtracks to both "Ghostbusters" movies and several "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" films.

He put an awful lot of thought into this My Turn. Alternative versions would have included the word "Hello," "Howdy" or "Spoon!" the catchphrase commonly connected with giant blue superhero The Tick. Matthew owns the complete series of "The Tick" on VHS, but has not yet purchased the seasons on DVD because several key episodes are missing. He will wait for a complete series to come out or not before buckling down.

How did he ever get the idea to try to set the record for the World's Smallest My Turn? He does not know, nor does he believe he's broken a world record ever before. If he has, it was inadvertent and probably not anything worth bragging about, like Longest Whine Session About Beets or Most Pathetic Continuing References to Single Status in a Newspaper Column.

Nor is he particularly well-known for writing short articles. This is a key character "flaw" he's had since working for the Washington State University student newspaper, The Daily Evergreen, when he wrote particularly lengthy, but still excellent, he maintains, articles about such subject matter as the university's amateur radio club, swine center and anatomy labs, to name just a few. In truth, he suspects part of the appeal is watching his editor's' eyes bug out.

He is a Virgo and enjoys long walks on the beach, milkshakes and playing Monopoly.

(EDITOR: There's nothing more I can add.)