Typos, ghostly doctors make Weaver's gripe list

Anybody who's computer literate needs to check out www.homestarrunner.com.

In this classic long-running Web site, a cartoon character, Strong Bad, answers real e-mails from real people, often with hilarious and mostly family friendly results.

It's been one of my go-to Web sites for years, and on occasion I like to comb through the archives, reliving classic e-mail responses.

In one particular instance, the character responds to a request for his Bottom 10 list, an idea I find particularly inspired.

It seems we hear everyone's Top 10 list all the time, everything from "Top 10 Things I Love About My Car," to "Top 10 Lists About Lists We Love to List." Everyone wants to ring in on the things they love, hate, feel ambivalent about.

But it's rare to see people filling out lists about the things they absolutely loathe.

So, with apologies to the creative geniuses behind the folks at Homestar Runner, here is my current Bottom 10.

10. Alternative spellings of "Matthew." I'm sure the Mathews of the world feel the same way about my name, but they can write their own column. And when we really start to get fancy with spellings, like Mathieu, Matthieux, Maw00thew or versions with a whole bunch of random Qs and Zs thrown in to silent effect, things just get silly.

9. Typographical errors. Exspecially mye ohwn. Darn it.

8. Impatient people who think I need to make a free right turn just because they're in a hurry to get somewhere else. I'll go when I'm good, ready and safe. Until then, keep your car horn to yourself.

7. The mid-winter doldrums. I'm even ready to see some sun, and I hate the heat.

6. No new 'The Big Bang Theory' episodes. Hopefully by the time this column runs the writer's strike is a distant memory, but things don't look hopeful.

5. Snow pants. All right, so it's an older complaint, but there are some things you never get over. Especially after struggling to pull said pants on over your boots 30 minutes before every recess in elementary school. Not as funny as it sounds. No wonder I get the doldrums.

4. I still can't get past the fact they killed off Dr. Alan Quartermaine on "General Hospital" after 30 years and made him a ghost.

3. People who come to work when they're sick. Like I'm not having a hard enough time keeping healthy without having to immerse myself in a vat of Vicks VapoRub every night before going to sleep. If you're ill, stay at home and quit cutting down on my productivity!

2. Spitters. The earth doesn't want your saliva, and the rest of us are too grossed out to be impressed.

1. Jerks of all shapes and sizes. I know, it's a groundbreaking position to take - has anyone else ever really come out in favor of jerks? - but really, I don't see the point of being anything but supportive to one another. We're all in this world together. The least we can do is make things manageable for each other.