Greetings from the bottom of your birdcage

Staring at me while I work is a little day-to-day calendar full of journalism-related quotes.

Some are supposed to be humorous, more are supposed to be serious and nearly all are designed to make me think.

Which makes my head hurt, so I often go whole days without changing it, then I suddenly become aware of my neglect.

Which leads me to hurriedly rush back through the weeks, to see what I should have been reflecting upon during the whole month of August, for example.

A recent day brought us this 2005 quote from London-based columnist Simon Jenkins of The Guardian and the Sunday Times: "I believe that a column is a column. It stands proud today but is cat-litter tomorrow."

Stark words for most columnists, perhaps.

I, however, am electing to fully embrace my inevitable fate.

Which is why I am coming to you this week from the bottom of your birdcage with my column, and might I say, Little Petey Parakeet does not seem to like the little birdseed, judging by the way the remnants are all strewn about. He seems much more enthusiastic about the sunflower seeds.

Yes, I know Jenkins said cat-litter, but I think Mittens has a much more discerning attitude and elects to peruse the finance section, while Petey is more devil-may-care, with less standards, which makes it more likely I'd wind up there.

Nice place, by the way. I like the family portrait. And no, don't worry, I don't think anyone would notice that one cobweb up in the corner there. If they notice, they're looking too close. Or else they're in the perfect vantage point in the birdcage. Sorry I said anything.

If this proves to be the life cycle of a column - hurry up and write something hopefully passably amusing on deadline, wait for it to appear, have it appear, force friends to read and bribe them into saying something complimentary to pacify needy ego, ignore snide comments by mean-spirited naysayers (usually a best friend), toss into parakeet cage and forget the whole thing, repeat - I'm all right with that.

I just hope Petey finds the whole scenario equally beneficial.