I might not tell you to your face but
I might not tell you to your face but …
Fashion do's and don'ts
I hate it when a girlfriend asks me if their outfit looks good and it really doesn't. I usually tell the truth, but sometimes I am forced to lie.
Please help clear my conscience, stop violating these simple rules.
1.) No more skinny jeans please.
I always see boys at the skate park wearing these. They are the new fashion "it thing" and they've taken us by storm. I see two problems. It can't be easy to skateboard in such confining pants and they look horrible. They belong on the catwalk and the catwalk alone.
2.) Cut-off jeans.
Why not give yourself a mullet and call yourself Joe Dirt? Buy some shorts.
3.) Tube socks.
Tube socks only looked good on the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
4.) Stretch pants with stirrups.
I hope I don't need to discuss this further. They are glorious when riding horses but other than that, no thanks.
5.) Chunky-heeled shoes.
These were done with by 2001. Should have been earlier. Thankfully, we have moved on to the stiletto heel. It looks nicer, cleaner and professional. A chunky heel takes me back to the early 1990s when "Blossom" was a hit. I think we need to forget the days of flipped up oversized sun hats.
6.) Shirts with numbers.
They belong on the playing field. I bet most people who wear the numbers on their shirts don't play sports.
7.) Multiple ear piercings.
Fish tackle. Tacky tackle. Just a few are acceptable, but up and down the ear is not.
8.) Lower back tattoos.
The back-too as I like to call it, got very popular, very fast. Pay the money to get it removed if you want an acceptable reputation. The back-too only means one thing.
9.) Shaving and drawing on eyebrows.
Fitting for New Jersey drag queens.
10.) Animal print clothing.
Again, fitting for New Jersey drag queens. Animal print shoes are an exception to this rule.
11.) Crushed velvet anything.
I refuse to explain this. This is obvious.
If you feel you've violated these no-no's, here are some tips to get you on the right track.
1.) Solid colored open back sweaters.
The cut of the sweater creates a slender look. It allows you to show some skin without showing too much.
2.) Polka dots.
Timeless, a classic.
3.) Wrist tattoos.
Maybe I am getting ahead of myself with this one. There is something appealing about this. If I had any kind of pain tolerance I would get one. Obviously the tattoo can't be a butterfly, your name or a flower.
4.) Chunky waist- level belts.
Compliments the waistline and provides a clean, crisp border.
5.) Fake eyelashes.
This only works if the width of the lash is cut in half and glued to the most outer part of your eyelid.
Candice Boutilier is the Columbia Basin Herald city reporter. She also provides fashion advice to the rest of the newsroom and believes flip-flops are awesome.
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