Quiet, unassuming columnist suffers brain freeze

The people at a local coffee establishment have to think I'm crazy.

They're probably right, but not for the reasons they think.

You see, I'm a big fan of cold drinks, actually. Milk. Water. Milkshakes.

But with particularly cold drinks, those probably including ice cream, I always pay for my love.

I think I inherited my tendency for ice cream headaches from my maternal grandfather. Family stories tell of his similar experiences whenever he ate ice cream.

Grandpa, I feel your pain. Literally.

I'll be sitting there, innocent, minding my own business, sipping away contentedly at my flavored drink, when all of a sudden, arctic winds attack my neural capacities.

To the innocent bystander, I must look like one of those unassuming, quiet neighbors until I'm suddenly overcome with an apparent fit of rage, a la the Incredible Hulk, albeit smaller and far less green.

The rage is borne out of panic, brought on by intense, fiery pain, like little tiny Eskimos are wailing away at my forehead with jackhammers.

I rub my head, trying to get it warmer.

I press at the roof of my mouth, which is just as cold and I suspect the point of origin, trying to increase the temperature and get the pain to end.

I ask employees for the opportunity to stick my head in the oven, in interest of getting the climates to balance and re-achieve harmonious conditions.

Sometimes, it hurts so bad, I think I'm about to have a nosebleed.

Onlookers scoff: "Why don't you just not drink it so quickly?"

Easier said than done. I love my cold drinks, especially during the hot summer months, although I have been known to place an order all winter long as well.

I always get too excited while drinking them and inhale. Then the pain returns, and I'm left wildly rubbing my head, vowing, "Never again! From here on out, it's nothing but warm tea!"

Then I'll forget when I put in my order the next time and the cycle will start all over again.

As the pain subsides, my vision returns and I wait a few moments for feeling to return to the roof of my mouth, I think to myself: Totally worth it.

Then I take another sip.