Trick your loved ones to show you care

Ah, April Fools' Day. It was no doubt a genius who thought of establishing a day where playing cruel jokes on family and friends is perfectly acceptable and funny.

The day is better when you have a family member who always falls for the same jokes. My dad is notorious for this. My sister and I convinced the bus driver every year to write us referrals for being disruptive passengers.

Since we were normally well behaved, the notes came as a shock. My dad's face would turn red and he would explode into a tirade. We would smile and try not to laugh, making him even angrier.

"You think it's funny?" he would ask with frustration.

Finally, my mom would step in, urging him to read the back of the paper. "April Fools" was scrawled in bus driver handwriting. After playing that trick a couple times, I wondered whether this year would be the year he caught on.

He fell for it every time.

My dad fell for another trick. When my mom and dad were 16, my mom called my dad and told him she found a new boyfriend. Before she could utter the magic words, he hung up the phone. My mom lived in Arizona and my dad lived in Massach-usetts, so going over to his house was not an option.

When she called his house my dad's sister answered.

"What did you say to him?" she asked. "He ran out of here in a hurry."

My mom panicked, worried he would run out and find a new girlfriend. Eventually she had a chance to explain the punch line.

One year I attempted to trick my family and succeeded in tricking my mom — but at the same time I tricked myself.

I don't remember where the idea originated from. I think I found it on the Internet. With amazing stealth I tied a rubber band around the spray nozzle on the kitchen sink. Patiently, I waited for someone to take the bait.

Time passed. Nobody seemed to need water. Didn't anyone have soup to make? Weren't any siblings just a little thirsty?

More time passed. Somehow I forgot about my own trick. Minutes later I turned on the faucet, and the kitchen was blasted with a stream of water. Frantically I cleaned it up, embarrassed but glad no one saw. My cover was not compromised.

Again with the waiting. I swear the U.S. Department of Energy released a mandate prohibiting all people within the radius of my family's kitchen from washing their hands.

Somehow, I forgot about the trick a second time. Again a blast of water soaked the kitchen, and again I cleaned up the evidence.

Once more, I waited.

The next time the faucet was turned on, my mom screamed from the kitchen. Water covered the refrigerator and floor.

The water had finally sprayed one of my primary targets, but my glee was short lived as I was forced to clean up the ruins.

Where does humor go when we reach adulthood? My joke was far funnier than breaking up with someone over the phone, yet she didn't crack a smile. Looking back on it now though, I am sure she gets a chuckle.

Everyone needs a good excuse to be mischievous. If you had a trick played on you this year, consider it the start of a war and seek revenge next year. Either way, have fun and don't worry if the person doesn't laugh right away.

Some believe tricks are for kids. I believe tricks are for everyone.

Matthew Weaver is the Columbia Basin Herald business and agriculture reporter. But he had nothing to do with this column except chuckle when reading it. April Fools! - Editor.