The further adventures of Huckleberry Weaver

The top baby names of 2004 were recently announced.

For girls, the name Emma was most popular, followed by Madison, Emily, Kaitlyn, Hailey, Olivia, Isabella, Hannah, Sarah and Abigail.

For boys, Jacob was most popular, followed by Aidan, Ethan, Ryan, Matthew, Michael, Tyler, Joshua, Nicholas and Connor.

Some of those names are pretty good. I'm particularly fond of "Matthew" myself. (It means "Gift of God," the columnist said humbly, adding that it needs to be higher up on the popularity list.)

But I'm wondering … What about those people who are looking for less common names, who want to set themselves apart. I don't cotton to bizarre spellings of everyday names; that's one of a journalist's chief pet peeves. It's so hard to interview a Katherine Smith, for example, who spells her name "235ZKathrQynne !!!!!!!Smith!!!!!!!@!@!@!"

Plus, it looks awful, and takes away from one's journalistic credibility.

Example: "I didn't see the butler poison the old bag, but I wouldn't put it past him," !!!!!!!Smith!!!!!!!@!@!@! said, regarding who she suspected may have allegedly murdered Old Lady Cobblersnake."

See?

In any event, for those who might be expecting, or just plan on having children at some point and are having trouble coming up with names for their fantasy children, I lightheartedly present some alternative, unique and punctuation-friendly names.

(Word of caution: I grew up addicted to soap operas, so I consider character names like Macauley West, Seabone Hunkle and Warren Lockridge to be run of the mill and ordinary.)

FOR BOYS

Azrael: Is there a name that sounds cooler than Azrael? I submit that there is not. Azrael, the name of an avenging angel! Azrael, the name of a cool DC Comics character! And yet, when presented, inevitably, the response comes back: "Like the cat from 'The Smurfs'?" Sigh. Yes, like the cat from "The Smurfs"…

Ptolemy: It's a sad, simple fact: Not enough people are named Ptolemy any more.

Lemuel: Again, another neglected gem, with its Herman Melvilleish connotations and sit-up-and-take-notice attitude.

Huckleberry: Obvious Twainian theft aside, it's virtually guaranteed that your son will have an adventurous life, souly by the course of calling him by this name.

FOR GIRLS

Flower names: Not those usual offerings like Rose or Lily, either. How about giving some of the lesser appreciated flora a time to shine, like Hyacinth (Warning: guaranteed a look of disdain from a certain sports editor when suggested for his newborn daughter), Azalea, Hyacinth, Violet, Mistletoe or Petunia. ("Like the pig?" Sigh. Yes, like the pig…)

Aurora: It's a beautiful name for a girl, and comes with its own built in middle name, so you don't have to worry about pleasing the in-laws: Borealis.

Portia: If you find yourself on the outskirts of high society, desperately peering in, naming your daughter Portia is like taking three steps up on the social ladder in and of itself.

Wren: Before you even ask, yes, it's the name of the new baby from the "Baby Blues" comic strip. But I like it. It's not a name you hear every day. Unless your name actually happens to be Wren…

Matthew Weaver is the business and agriculture reporter for the Columbia Basin Herald. In his next life, he really wouldn't mind being named Seabone.