Do you know the way to karaoke?

Kriss Kross will make me jump, jump. The Statler Brothers have got me counting flowers on the wall. Even Blue Oyster Cult has me not worrying about the grim reaper. But there's no chance you'll ever hear me repeat lyrics from those songs out loud and in public.

Taking a microphone and singing in front of a group, no matter how small, is one fear I've never been able to overcome. And I've kept my distance from karaoke of late, although that wasn't always the case. There was a time in high school where the fascination of singing in front of a crowd led me to sign up for school karaoke shows, almost immediately crossing my name off of many of the sign-up sheets.

In my first karaoke experience I remained signed up; I and a friend were going to bellow out "Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynerd Skynerd. It was only after we saw a few of the performances that we slowly slipped out of the gymnasium, and our chance was lost to make fools of ourselves. The effects of the karaoke bug apparently wore off a little too quickly after seeing the seriousness of other singers on stage. That seriousness is one I've continued to notice over the years wherever a karaoke system is set up.

The intensity with which a Neil Diamond impersonator can tell a whole concert hall about "Cracklin' Rosie," makes me wonder how serious Neil is about his singing career. Do karaoke singers know that Friday night with a microphone is just a silly way to have fun when out on the town? Or are these singers awaiting a call back on their demo tape?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for belting out my cheesy interpretation of Ronnie Milsap's "Smoky Mountain Rain." But avid performers don't present karaoke as a silly Friday night performance for those non-singers who have imbibed a few mimosas and feel the urge to harmonize for a small but laughing group of friends. These people take karaoke seriously.

Years of bellowing out Herman's Hermits' "I'm Henry VIII, I am" in the shower and in the car have shown me I have absolutely no musical talent. The fact that I could be one of the very first rejects during casting of American Idol has been a source of pride.

But recently the karaoke bug seems to have bit again. I'm on the prowl, looking for the best place to utilize the absurdity in my performance. I think it'd be fun to start up with a song by the Dave Clark Five, that would make me "Glad All Over."

Brad W. Gary is the city and politics reporter for the Columbia Basin Herald. The newsroom is thankful he doesn't sing while he writes.