This singer takes pride in lack of talent

I never miss choir practice.

I don't really sing with any choir in particular. In fact, the choir I belong to doesn't even organize for special events or festival performances. I am one of many who perform my screech and wail while at the stop sign and the mile post. My choir practice starts every time I drive down the open road with the radio volume turned up high.

Like so many daily drivers around the world, I am a member of a transit singing group. We're the ones who either have no talent whatsoever, or have wonderful talent and shy away from the spotlight.

As a transit singer, I don't have any talent. My abilities mirror more William Hung than Ella Fitzgerald. In fact, I find it more enjoyable to completely destroy a musical tune with my own honkytonk screeching. There's just something liberating about screaming your favorite tune at the top of your lungs, completely devoid of anything that resembles a melody.

Don't worry, I won't subject you to my talents. As long as the car window stays rolled up, my voice shouldn't disturb another soul.

It's not hard to spot us transit singers though, losing ourselves as we wail both sides of a duet. We even occasionally form our own one-man bands; we're the ones playing air guitar at the stoplight, or using the dashboard for the drum solo.

Besides the car, very few places allow for a transit singer with admittedly no talent to scream their favorite songs at the top of their lungs. Only around the campfire and in the shower do I let the music stop and the fun begin.

A good song can work wonders for a transit singer. I prefer a catchy rock or country song with a solo that an atrocious caroler can find himself lost in. My renditions of Alabama's "Song of the South" and Biz Markie's "Just a Friend," could likely work wonders, especially if you prefer a noise that breaks glass or shoos birds. It really doesn't matter what kind of song is playing for this transit singer though. If it makes the toes tap and the gums flap, its got a place in my repertoire.

I've been singing in transit since I first got my license to drive, and encourage all to join this pseudo-art form. It doesn't take much to become a transit singer, all you need is a song to wail and a few sound proof windows. And don't worry, you can't be late for this choir practice.

Brad W. Gary is a confessed member of the Grant County Transit Choir, and the Columbia Basin Herald's county reporter, who, thankfully, does not sing at work.